I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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