im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
