capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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