yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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