wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
