Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
