at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
