I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
