I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
