well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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