Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize