you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
