honey bunches of taint.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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