If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
