my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
