What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
