How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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