I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
