So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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