Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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