i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
