No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can I color on your dick again?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
