Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
