Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
