Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
