Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
