I accidentally had phone sex last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
