im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
