I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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