I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
