Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
