It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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