4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
