If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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