I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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