I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize