just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
