You can't special order awesome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
