My friends, they love my intelligence
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
