If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
