come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
