And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
