im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
