He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize