Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
