I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
