And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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