Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize