....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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