I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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