FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
