I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
