He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
