i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
