We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
