Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i out mim tonsoeep
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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