I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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