Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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