Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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