she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
