Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize