If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm too high and old for this...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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