Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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