and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize