The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
