Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
