i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
