btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need to stop coming to work sober
is wine microwaveable?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
